http://www.secrets-lie.blogspot.com/

Haven't posted in a while... My bad.

Going to start posting on a different link.
http://www.secrets-lie.blogspot.com/

See you there.

think i'm moving

think i'm moving. well i hope i'm moving. if so, fresh start for me, get rid of facebook, skype, get a new number. everything. i am sick of it here at the moment, and my 'family' want to move. so i guess i will be moving soon. i want to go somewhere far ways, then no one will know anything about me, so i can be me. and not who you want me to be. dick.

GoodNightStranger :)

So, half term is over. It sucks! I should of done some work over the half term, but I didn't. So now, I have to rush all my course work, joy. But my half term was actually really good :) I went to a few parties, got drunk. I got my ears pierced. I worked. I bought my self a record player, which I am in love with. I went shopping. I had a DVD day. I went to the movies with my friends, went to see black swan! I fricking love that film! Then at the end of the half term i got tonsillitis. Yum! But yeah! All in all, it was a good half term. Roll on easter break! So, I haven't been on for a while, so I just updated you what happened all week. Oh, get this. My uncle is moving to Hong Kong for five years with his girlfriend of 6months. I am not pleased with that! I have a huge family, like really huge. But he is the only one I really class as family, and BOOM. He has ditched me like everyone always ends up doing, there for, I cried for ages. I always cry... i need to man up! lalalala.. Got sooooooooo many slag jokes today, I wounder if they will ever calm down with the jokes, I don't think they will.. Hmphhh. So, I'm going to take tomorrow of school I think? And just sleep, and 'recover' I don't know.. I talk about so right shit don't I. HA. It's rather amusing. Anyway, I will leave you to sleep, GoodNightStranger :)

but yeah!!

i'm feeling better today, i just have my random days i brake down on... sorry! but yeah. today... work up at 1pm... had 3 night mares last night, it sucked. i woke up, then got ready for work.. got a taxi there, and the taxi guy tried to kill me! he was driving on the wrong side of the road! ok, it might be the right side of the road in his country! but not here! it gave me a heart attack! anyway, got to work in one piece! but then i left cos i still felt ill... so, got home, got in the bath.. fell asleep in the bath, nearly drowned... so today has been fun? really excited about the sweden exchange!! ekkkk!! get my report tomorrow -.- its not a good one! so if i don't blog anymore... its because my mum has killed me... ahh well.. oh, i met a guy.. he seems nice, but they always do at first.. i will see how it goes, and let you know! good night :)

168hours a week

Emotional wreck! thats what i am! i cant stop crying! everything is getting to me! its getting too much to handle.. i want a holiday where i can relax and forget about everything! 3jobs...31 hours a week .. 6hours a day at college, so thats 35 hours at college... sleeping each night will be about 49 hours, getting ready each morning takes me an hour, so thats 7 hours, cooking/eating tea, 14 hours, cleaning, about 10 hours, going to the hospital and doctors will take me to about 12 hours... so thats 158 hours..  168hours are in a week. i only have 10 hours a week for me. and them hours are spent on my family, on my friends or prepping for work or school.. its too much. i cant deal with it. i want to go to sleep now.

enrichment day.. yay....?

hi kids.

we had an enrichment day today.. if you don't know what that is, its basically teach you about life. so, we had a day of sex education, alcohol, drug and solvent abuse and dangerous driving.. fun right? so my first lesson was alcohol abuse.. and in that class we learnt what to do if some one who is drunk passes out and becomes unconscious, so we did CPR and the recovery position. I already knew this. then we did sex ed, where we looked and photos of STI's, and I knew what they all where... then we put a condom on a plastic penis. I was the only one in my group who did this, since one of them wouldn't touch the condom because of the lube, one of them is a raging Christian who wont be having sex with anyone any time soon.. so doesn't need to know how to put a condom on, and then the other, well, she wont be getting laid any time soon, and she got embarrassed by it all, so didn't bother. so there I was, with a blind fold on putting condoms on. I'm a pro. I also to a chlamydia and gonorrhoea test! I'm pretty sure I wont be positive, but I get the results later this week! then I had the solvent abuse class, but I learnt all that in year 6.. so that was like a reminder of not to sniff glue... then I had drug abuse, which wasn't to bad, a ex addict came in and told us his story, then we had the driving safety, which was ok.did you know 9 young drivers a day die in the UK cos of car crashes. how bad is that...

I find out about the Sweden exchange, get my STI results back, got a few parties and a date coming up this week! bring it on!

thanks for being the last people to talk to before I go to bed! Good night :)

me + photo shop = ...

This is what happens when you leave me and photo shop together...

How do I say goodbye to some one I never really had? Why do my tears fall so endlessly for some one who was never really mine? Why do I miss some one who I was never really with? And why do I love someone whose love was never really mine?

Bonjour Bloggerr.

Bonjour Blooggerrr.

Hi. How are you? How have you been? I know I don’t come on here often, I will though, promise? 

Anyway... you know when you are sitting on the sofa, and the TV is on, and the remote is on the other side of the room, on the other sofa and you just can’t be arsed getting up and walking over to get the remote, so you just watch what’s on TV? Yeah? Well, I was doing that. And there was a documentary on about internet dating. It was quite funny to be fair, but these lasses, where dead set on dating sites on the internet. I don’t think I could go on one of them internet dating thingy mobobbys! These girls went on dates with these randomers on the internet, and when they got to the date, these lads looked nothing like they did in the display photo. My god. And the lasses go on 3-4 dates a week with these internet lads, different lads each time. As if. Then if they really liked them some of the lads, they started talking about how they would facebook stalk them, and this one girl managed to get a lads address off of facebook and Google map his house! How crazy! Or is it just me who thinks that?! But yeah.. crazy..

I kind of miss blogging. I get to do it with a glass of wine (well, I’m not drinking a glass of wine, I’m drinking beer, but wine makes me sound that little more girlish?) I get to do it in bed, the laptop heat keeps me warm, and I probably don’t know anyone who reads this, so I can blog about anything, and it won’t affect my actual life. Simples.

Byebye blogger.

like in a blender?

so... it seems I only really come on here now, when I'm pissed off and don't want to talk to my mates.. wow. so yeah. I got a new job? at my school, its pretty cool, I just have to help a bunch of kids speak English.. it would be easier if I spoke Arabic, but hey, its more fun this way...  got more drugs off of the doctor. fun times, fun times. this weekend I have worked 21 hours. I feel deadddd. I don't feel to good, but I think its just cos I haven't slept for a while.. went out last night.. got drunk.. regret it. oh the joys of alcohol. so yeah. planed my life out.. pass college, finish college, go to uni, pass uni, leave uni, move to America or Australia. sounds good, right? but its a lot of time, effort and money.. which I don't have. so, I'm just going to wing it. I need to take my room apart... I finished my book! Grrrr. I hate it when I finish them, cos I have to buy the next one, what isn't even out yet. and I don't like reading other series of books mixed in with a different series. I'm sad right? I don't care.. this blog is a bit mixed up? like in a blender? ohh well, it makes sense to me! hair cut Thursday, I hate having my hair cut, I spent so long growing it, and then with one snip, its gone. anywho, I'm off to bed, cos I am tired! Night y'all.

watch out!

Im not used to not getting what i want. fmlll! anywhos. i planed my life out today, im not staying in England, its sucks here. the government have basically screwed us for all what we are worth! so America or Australia! watch out.. i will be over there in 4years! as soon as i get my adult nursing degree :D i have family in both places so it should be fine :D kinda looking forward to moving out of England.. fresh start and what not, i'm still not in a better mood than last week.. im just trying to get my self planned out, dont have time to be sad. damndamndamndamn. i kinda like this guy? but its not going to work? so theres no point in telling him? my ex is coming over from uni for a weekend, and wants to go some where for the weekend? and thy guy i have been seeing is no longer. valentines day is soon... joy.

sleepless nights..

i have cried my self to sleep 6nights in a row now. i cant cope. but i dont know what to do! cos i dont know whats getting to me. fml.

night night.

havent took my meds today... not cos i dont want to, its just cos i havent had time... im shaking like a leaf :/ my blogs are all sad at the moment, but i just cant stop being sad, like i can smile, and pretend to be happy, but i feel empty inside. i dont know whats going on with me, i need to make my self another hospital appointment..i need to remember that. anyway, today i realised people give me a tiny slot of their lives, and then have nothing to do with me. including my mum. oh, i also found out today that what ever guy i like, like really like, somthing always keeps us apart so we cant be together, and well, thats getting to me a bit more now. man i want to move... how good would that be? fresh start... new people in my life, i could be who ever i wanted to be and they wouldnt know, i could even tell them i am healthy so they dont think of me diffrent... i like dreaming, anything could happen, i would like to live in a dream, that will be somthing i am in control of. night night.

it doesn't make you a good person to pity fuck the sick girl

sorry about yesterday. i was in a suckish mood. still am i guess, but i will get over it.. i have to. i went to see a film today 'Love and Other Drugs' i really liked it, it was about a girl who is medically ill, and she falls in love with a guy who would do anything for her, well, that's the main point, there's a lot of sex in it... but i wont go into that. anyway, there was a like where she said 'it doesn't make you a good person to pity fuck the sick girl' and i cant get that saying out of my fucking head. what if people pity me that much they will do something to make me happy, but not them. i dont want that. but i dont know what to do about it. i cant be bothered. going back to yesterday... the people who i trust, who i thought where there for me? they have basically fucked off and left me on my own. normally i can do stuff on my own, but certain things i go through i need someone else there with me. i mean, i have my friends, but no one can help. i guess i actually do need to learn to fend for my self... fun :/

so, yeah. bye.

i know i havent blogged in ages. i dont care. i never stick to anything. the only reason i am doing it now is cos i need to get everything out of my system, and i know hardly anyone reads this anymore. i dont know whats got into me recently. i feel as if i have lost everything in my life. most of my friends have gone there own ways for college. my family hate each other, so i feel i dont have anyone in my life anymore. i try put on a brave face, but i cant do that for the rest of my life? i just want a family who love me, and friends who will do anything for me. i guess i cant get everything. i miss my grandads so much, its untrue. but i cant solve that. i have such a huge family, but they dont want anything to do with each other. and they dont understand that i need them, that i want them in my life. i actually have no one. the friends who i thought would do anything for me, just kick me to the side, and use me when it best fits them. im fed up of it. no one understands the stress i go through, and no one ever talks to me about it. my life is fucked up and i have no one at all to talk to. i have 2years left till uni. all i need to do is get my grades then im out. but i cant, i have too much on my mind and school work isnt one of them. my health is just getting worse and worse, but since you cant physically see what is wrong with me, no one cares. i cant deal with it. and little things that clairvoyant said just runs through the back of my mind all the time. i wish i didnt go. she really did up set me. i just want outs now. i want a famliy who love me, friends who care, and life worth living. so  im going to do something about all of this. and stick to it. so, my plan for this year is:
*move out
*save up
*try get in touch will all my family
*talk to my old friends again
*spend as much time with the family what i have
*stay on top of all my work
*do things for my self.
*figure out where my life is going.

so yeah. bye.